openupenterin: (butterfly)
Saturday, rainy day, and he'd been with our son in the morning while I went to services. Our neighbor kid, the 13-yr-old boy, was here playing with B (now 2 years 5 months) when I came in, sitting on the floor playing with Legos, and husband was on the couch playing on his phone. I came in and looked around: nothing had been done, no dishes put away or done, no bottles cleaned, and I don't expect major cleaning but I expected... well truly, I didn't expect anything like that. I got to making lunch, and I made something for B, and sat with him while I ate it, and then he made himself food while I did the next thing with B. The other neighbor kid, 10-yr-old girl, came over, and the two kids plus husband started playing Mario Kart. They played for a bit until B went down for his nap, which I did. Once he was down, I took out my laptop and was on that while the other three played s'more. Husband said after maybe 30 minutes "okay, I'm going to go get my shower now. Kids, you can either go home or keep playing here." They said they'd stay and play. Husband then came over to me, gave me a kiss on my cheek, and whispered in my ear "you could come join me in the shower if you wanted." I immediately said "No. No, not right now." He gave a sigh and walked to the bedroom.

I went to the bedroom and said "We have two kids here, I'm not going to go into the shower with you and leave them there." He said .. I don't even recall. They eventually left when they were done playing, and at that time I closed my laptop and walked back to the bedroom; his shower was done. I said "the kids have gone now." Before I could say more, he said "I don't understand you. You're willing to have sex in front of other people, at those parties you used to go to, but you're not willing to take a shower with me when two kids are playing a game in the house." *jaw drop*

What the fuck. How are those two the same? He said "We'd be behind doors." I said "I'm not having sex with the two neighbor's kids in the house playing computer. That's just not right." He said "I just asked you to take a shower with me, not have sex."

What the fuck. Come on. Sure, maybe we won't have sex, but we'd be naked, in the shower: we'd surely be doing a bunch of other stuff and you'd probably want to be driving me to orgasm because you go for that kind of thing. What I said was "When you ask me for naked time I assume it's going to be sex."

The moment passes, and it's maybe 15 minutes later, we've had more conversation and moved on, and I'm standing in the hallway. He passes me and says "what're you thinking?" I said "I can't believe that you equated liking kinky sex and exhibitionism with have sex while kids are around." He had no good come-back to that.

Date: 2016-10-09 11:55 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] zzbottom.livejournal.com
Definitely a pretty bad disconnect on his part, I have to agree.

Date: 2016-10-09 02:49 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] openupenterin.livejournal.com
I really wanted to call you yesterday and vent this one, but thought about the time difference and toddler and my own complete lack of alone-time for a phonecall and didn't. Jesus, I don't even take alone-time for bathroom time more than once a day when we're all home... *sigh* (That's all on me; I should take more me-time regularly.)

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad to be validated.

Date: 2016-10-09 02:54 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] zzbottom.livejournal.com
I'm sorry I've been so out of touch. I know you've reached out a few times and it makes me smile, always, but my spoon supply is not always what it should be.

I really wish you were getting more of a team effort at home, especially since it sounds like you might be thinking about a Thing 2.

Date: 2016-10-09 09:26 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] magnifelyn.livejournal.com
Is he uncomfortable with the parties you used to attend? Or the kinky sex or exhibitionism?

I would NEVER leave someone else's kids alone in my house while disappearing for a shower. Even by myself, with no possibility for anything sexy at all.

Also, perhaps it's time to insist on a house cleaning service. It's ridiculous to have to juggle everything yourself. The cost can come out of something he hates doing without. Unless he makes himself useful enough that professional house cleaning is no longer required.

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