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Creature of habit.
Aug. 30th, 2006 12:43 pmI am, most often, a creature of habit. However, I also have the ability to do something consistently for weeks or months, and then totally blow it off. This is a bad combination. I'd like to be a bit steadier than that.
I try food journalling in a new way, and the whole thing kinda collapses. I skip one day, then two, and if it gets more than that it becomes hard to recreate the furthest day away. I keep a running tab in my head throughout the day, yes, for when I'm not eating at my computer, but still, trying to maintain multiple journals, or even one journal but in multiple places, is difficult. However, it's something I need to do, consistently, for my own good, and I know that, so I have to push myself a bit harder to do it. *push*
Then there's my self-imposed summer task, that I utterly failed to do. It effects no-one else, just me, but it was important to my long-term goals, and I didn't do it. I should, I should, I see exactly where I could've used my time better, and I see points in the future when I can still do it. I need to make sure I do. Maybe I need to take drastic measures to make sure it gets done - alter my living space so I can't be distracted as easily.
Life isn't bad right now. Life is even good most of the time. Sometimes, it downright rocks. I just have these outstanding issues I need to fix, and the longer they're outstanding (in the 'overdue' sense), the more I get annoyed with myself, the harder it is to start. This is a long-standing pattern, exemplified in college, both undergrad and graduate. Feel anxious about approaching due-date, procrastinate, feel badly about procrastinating, wait more, feel worse, get to ridiculously close to due date and lurch into concentrated effort. However, there is no Due Date for starting one's future. It's all up to me. I can linger at this job or at this weight for years. It's up to me.
I try food journalling in a new way, and the whole thing kinda collapses. I skip one day, then two, and if it gets more than that it becomes hard to recreate the furthest day away. I keep a running tab in my head throughout the day, yes, for when I'm not eating at my computer, but still, trying to maintain multiple journals, or even one journal but in multiple places, is difficult. However, it's something I need to do, consistently, for my own good, and I know that, so I have to push myself a bit harder to do it. *push*
Then there's my self-imposed summer task, that I utterly failed to do. It effects no-one else, just me, but it was important to my long-term goals, and I didn't do it. I should, I should, I see exactly where I could've used my time better, and I see points in the future when I can still do it. I need to make sure I do. Maybe I need to take drastic measures to make sure it gets done - alter my living space so I can't be distracted as easily.
Life isn't bad right now. Life is even good most of the time. Sometimes, it downright rocks. I just have these outstanding issues I need to fix, and the longer they're outstanding (in the 'overdue' sense), the more I get annoyed with myself, the harder it is to start. This is a long-standing pattern, exemplified in college, both undergrad and graduate. Feel anxious about approaching due-date, procrastinate, feel badly about procrastinating, wait more, feel worse, get to ridiculously close to due date and lurch into concentrated effort. However, there is no Due Date for starting one's future. It's all up to me. I can linger at this job or at this weight for years. It's up to me.
